


Am I never to get away from You?

by MissPiony



Series: Sanditon Valentines [1]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: 6 Sanditon Valentines, Angst, Crush on a teacher, Damn why does the guy I try to escape appear where least expected, F/M, Forbidden Love, Love, Sanditoncreative, Unrequited Love, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22640146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPiony/pseuds/MissPiony
Summary: Charlotte has been in love with the last person she should be in love with for ages and tries to escape to the seaside over summer to get over him, but will she?One-shot written for Sanditon creative's Valentine's event, prompt 'Forbidden love'.Update: there is a sequel called 'What am I to you, exactly?'
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: Sanditon Valentines [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632442
Comments: 38
Kudos: 166





	Am I never to get away from You?

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This one-shot AU is written for the Sanditon creative's Valentine's week event, for the prompt 'Forbidden love'. This trope often seems to lead to quite salacious stories, but this is more the sweet romantic kind, as that is what I like most for Charlotte and Sidney. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Update: there is a sequel called 'What am I to you, exactly?'
> 
> (And sorry for absence on 'Sanditon revisited' but my work is so stressful at the moment that it almost gives me angst, which makes it hard to focus on a longer story.)

She kicked off her ballerina flats to step on the sand barefooted and immediately knew this had been the right choice.

The sand was smooth and warm against her soles and she curled her toes to feel the tiny grains of sand move between them. For a moment she focused only on that sensation, then shifted her attention to take in the long, wide, almost white beach and the rolling waves beyond, the sea stretching all the way to the horizon where it merged with the clear blue sky. It was serene and simultaneously full of life. This was surely the right place to come to forget an unrequited love.

It was the summer break between second and third year of university. Most of Charlotte's friends would remain in London doing temp jobs to afford a trip to some sunny party island before their final year started but she had felt the need to get away from everything and everyone to clear her mind. Via an agency she found a job as a nanny in the seaside town Sanditon for the next two months and thought it ideal as it simultaneously would provide her an income, an escape and a summer by the sea. She had arrived by train this morning and was now familiarizing herself with the family, the town and the marvelous beach. It was love at first sight and she instinctively knew this was what she needed.

First year at university had been brilliant. It had been everything she had hoped for when she moved from the small country village Willingden to London. After the first few insecure weeks of trying to familiarize herself with the new home town and find her kind of people, the sunny and sociable Charlotte found herself included in a circle of great friends who were more than willing to help her feel like she belonged there. It had been a year of much partying and loads of fun and perhaps she had not spent as much time studying as she ought to, but she had shrugged her shoulders thinking one was only young once and continued to enjoy all of it immensely. First time away from home for real, away from her parents, she wanted to experience everything. Well, except drugs (which she stayed away from) and bad sex (which she unwisely had tried at one drunken occasion or two, but there had been good sex too so all in all the average result was positive). She had flirted and dated, even had a shorter relationship but she had not truly fallen in love that first year. There were guys who had fallen for her; cute and fun ones which she loved as friends, but it had never 'clicked' for her. It had not bothered her the least, she was there to experience life, not to immediately settle with someone, get married or have kids in the foreseeable future.

Things had taken an abrupt turn at the beginning of second year when she entered philosophy class for the first time.

They already knew that Professor Bertram, the philosophy teacher from last year, had retired and would be replaced. They had never imagined that the aging, grey-haired, bony man would be replaced by someone like Mr. Parker.

As they entered the lecture hall that day, everyone had gone quiet and stared at the imposing man standing on the podium. He was very tall, broad-shouldered and looked like he might be seriously fit under the slim white shirt. His lithe figure in combination with sharp, handsome features, wavy dark hair and brown eyes made him seem like he rather belonged as the protagonist in a romance novel or an action movie, than in a class room teaching philosophy. The first impression was that he seemed quite stern, as he seriously let his gaze travel over the room inspecting them all, but then he broke into a disarming smile and greeted them welcome.

It was inevitable that the majority of the female students would have a crush on him and behind his back irreverential jokes about getting him into one's bed quickly became standard banter. Few dared to make a pass at him though, because even if he turned out to be a great teacher, he kept his distance to the students and did not for a moment play along if anyone was a bit flirtatious. On the contrary he efficiently choked any attempts to hit on him, making it clear that he was not there to overstep any boundaries with his students no matter if they were young and attractive, with shiny long hair, had curves in all the right places and legs up to their chin, something Eliza Campion got to experience when he deflated her by totally ignoring her quite obvious advances. Charlotte had witnessed that conversation, passing in the hallway and cringed inside, feeling embarrassed on the other girl's behalf even if she did not like her one bit, but simultaneously her hear fluttered with joy seeing Mr. Parker handling a student coming on to him with professional distance. Charlotte certainly did not try to flirt, nor did she partake in any filthy jokes about the hot teacher. She simply could not because she had fallen head over heels in love with him.

She knew it was stupid for so many reasons, but she could not help herself. It happened already that first afternoon. She had arrived in the lecture hall last minute, so had to take a seat in the front row where no one wanted to sit if they could avoid it. Breathless she had slumped down on a seat and only then looked up on the new teacher and just barely kept from gawping. Minutes later, when his eyes wandered over the assembly and landed on her, he suddenly paused. His warm welcoming smile faded away and for a second it looked like he was distracted by something, before he moved on and she let go of the breath she had not known she was holding. That second, sensing a strange connection as their pairs of brown eyes met, was all that it took for her to fall oh so hard for him.

It had never struck her like this before, an instant attraction combined with a completely unmotivated feeling of belonging. When he dropped his gaze to look down on his feet before he turned to the white board to introduce them to the subject of the day, she sat paralyzed in her seat, grateful that she did not have to move for an hour.

It was painfully clear that he had not felt the same connection. He may be distant to other female students which was only in his favour for not engaging in any inappropriate relationship, but it seemed like Charlotte quickly became his least favourite student of all. She was not sure why. She generally tried to shape up her study efforts this year and especially in philosophy. Yet, she got the impression she got off on the wrong foot with him early on, so he always spoke to her more harshly than to other students. While he was supportive of others, he always challenged what she said, dismantled her arguments into tiny pieces and made her feel like an illiterate idiot most of the time. His manners towards her, combined with her own feelings for him made her shy and insecure and she often found herself stuttering the wrong answer to a question she actually knew. She had no idea why she remained in love with him, a man she did not really know and who was not particularly nice to her and who was out of her league in all possible ways, but she did. She came to dread and look forward to his lectures in equal measures. She wished she could just snap out of this ridiculous state of mind, but it turned out impossible.

Her inappropriate feelings made Charlotte withdraw and distance herself a bit from her friends. She could not possible talk to them about how she felt for Mr. Parker, he was a teacher for God's sake and one which all women were drooling over. She was afraid that her friends might guess her feelings, so she kept to herself more than before and spent more time studying. It was good for her grades, but she was unhappy. Unhappy because she felt lonely, unhappy because she was so much in love that it hurt. She ached to know him but realised she never would. This love was as futile as it was forbidden. Teachers and students were not allowed to have relationships, and nothing indicated that he felt anything for her but irritation for behaving so unintelligently whenever he was around. She did well in her written exams and essays, but never managed to impress orally in his classes. She wished he could have known her like she was with others. Her friends seemed to find her witty, funny, courageous and clever but she was never able to bring out her true self with him. Sometimes she caught him watching her with an expression which was hard to interpret, almost as if he wanted to know who she was too but she knew it was a foolish notion. Perhaps he just hoped he would find a sign of intelligence if he looked hard enough.

This summer she was determined she would forget him and figure out how to change the currently pathetic state of her life. Her third year would be different and better, so she must find a way to get over Mr. Parker.

Ironically, it had turned out that the family she was to work for was called Parker too. When the agency first informed her about this over phone, she instantly worried that it by Murphy's law would turn out to be him and his wife, but during the telephone interview with Tom and Mary Parker it quickly became apparent that this Mr. Parker was another than the one she knew of. She had tried to find out her love interest's first name but so far been unlucky, which just showed how sadly little she knew of the man she had given her heart to. However, it was clear even over phone this Mr. Parker had an altogether different type of personality, so she exhaled and kept planning for a summer by the sea.

The Parkers seemed really nice. Tom Parker was usually a bit distracted when she talked to him, which his very down to earth wife Mary said depended on that at least half his brain was constantly engaged in his efforts to develop Sanditon into a holiday resort. They had four children, but as the youngest was a newborn baby which should be kept out of the sun, Mary had hired Charlotte to keep the older three company on the beach for the summer. It turned out to be a lovely job. The children were sweet, and Charlotte enjoyed every day being with them, playing on the beach, swimming, working on her tan, working on forgetting Mr. Parker. To her satisfaction the cure worked. He seemed more distant for every day that passed, as if the memory of him faded in the sunlight or washed away by the waves.

"Nothing to restore one's spirits like sea bathing", Tom claimed, and she had to agree.

She had been in Sanditon in two weeks when Mary delivered some news to Tom over dinner.

"I spoke to your brother on the phone earlier."

"Which one, Arthur or Sidney?"

"Sidney. He is coming down tomorrow."

"Really? To Sanditon? What a nice surprise, I didn't expect to see him here this summer." Tom seemed both genuinely surprised and happy, like his brother visiting was a big event.

"He sounded like something was bothering him. Said he needed to get away from London for a while. I almost got a feeling…"

""What my dear?"

"…that he was unhappily in love."

"Not Sidney, I'm sure you just imagined."

"Perhaps I did."

Charlotte could not help but smiling at the thought that someone else than her might seek his refuge to Sanditon to mend a broken heart.

Next afternoon, she and the children stumbled through the front door as they returned from another day on the beach, sandy, hair tousled from salt water and wind, hands and clothes sticky from ice cream, all in fits of laughter because Jenny had dropped her ice cream and Henry had slipped on it.

"Here they are!" Mary said. "Children, your favourite uncle is here."

"Uncle Sidney!" they exclaimed in chorus and ran towards the man standing by the living room mantelpiece. He scooped up Henry with one arm whilst trying to hug the girls with the other. Over their heads his eyes met Charlotte's with a quizzical expression.

She could only stare and hope she was not gawping.

His name was Sidney. He was Tom's brother but who could have guessed when they were so monumentally different to looks and behaviour. "Her" Mr. Parker was here in Tom's and Mary's living room, hugging what apparently were his nephew and nieces. If he had faded a bit in her memory over the past weeks, his presence now hit her with full force. She felt her cheeks heat and she was suddenly very aware of only wearing tiny shorts and a strap top over her bikini.

"Sidney, this is Charlotte I just told you about. She helps out with the children this summer."

This was the moment when she expected him to say something like; 'Miss Heywood, am I never to get away from you?' and turn to Tom and Mary and explain she was his least favourite student.

He did nothing of the sort. Instead he gently put Henry down, stepped closer and reached out his hand as if to greet a total stranger.

"Nice to meet you Charlotte. I'm Sidney", he said and smiled.

Her heart pounded so hard. Why did he pretend like he did not recognize her, like was not her teacher? He did not seem the least annoyed to find her here, no, almost pleased. Her mouth was as dry as if she stuffed it full of sand before returning from the beach, but she managed to take his hand and play the same game as him.

"Nice to meet you too, Sidney."

It was not the first time she touched him, or rather, he had touched her once before. It had been towards the end of the semester and she had been feeling terribly low for a few weeks. Everyone else seemed to be in an amorous spring mood, meanwhile she was trapped being in love with someone she could not have, or even obsess over with her friends out of shame. She could not bear the idea of even trying a date with someone else. Others were happy and she was tired and sad. Unhappy love was draining.

When she was about to leave after his lecture was over that day, he had surprised her by grabbing her by the elbow as she passed him. The touch sent a jolt trough her and she almost had not dared turn to watch him, fearing he would read her.

"Can I have a moment Miss Heywood?"

She nodded. He waited to resume conversation until the last student had left and she was a bundle of nerves.

"I just wanted to ask, is everything all right?"

She felt him observing her, but she was observing her own shoes.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, I just got the impression…" He paused, almost bashfully. "You know, you can talk to me if something is the matter."

He was of course the last person she could talk to about what was ailing her.

"There's nothing to talk about."

He stayed silent a few long seconds, giving her the opportunity to add something, but she did not.

"I don't know if that means there is nothing to talk about at all or if you simply don't want to talk to me about it?"

There was a hint of frustration to his voice at her stubborn silence and she could not resist turning her face up and meet his eyes. The look on his face was truly concerned and she found it hard to breathe. His eyes were so searching and soft in this moment, that she would have told him what the problem was had it not been him.

He sighed, as if giving up.

"If something is troubling you, you could also see the student counsellor. Everything you say to her is confidential. Just talk to someone, if you need help. Please."

She had obviously not managed to convince her she was fine, and he was pleading now. Suddenly he seemed to become aware of still grasping her elbow. She had been aware all the time but unable to pull away. He seemed embarrassed, quickly let go, shoved his hands into his pockets and cleared his throat.

"Anyway, I just wanted you to know that there is support if you need it, but if you don't…"

"I don't."

He looked so disappointed, as if it hurt him that she refused to confide in him.

"Well then."

She had left, feeling completely devastated. This new side to him, caring about her despite that she was a disaster in his class room was not helping one bit. It just made her fall harder and desperately wish he was not her teacher she had a chance to get to know him and he her. It was then she had realised that she needed to do something drastic to get over him and the idea to get away over the summer had formed.

But now he was here and holding her hand. It was not how she had planned things. Damnit!

His hand was warm and so big compared to her own that it wrapped it completely. It seemed like they remained holding hands longer than was common courtesy or perhaps time just slowed down for her. Either way she was unable to pull away, like in the classroom. She was not sure why he did not.

Mary brought them back to reality.

"Dinner is ready in a half-hour, so if you want to shower and get changed you could do it now."

Her hand felt cold and sad when he let go. She forced herself to walk upstairs, not run, only to immediately lock herself up in the bathroom and slump down on the toilet lid.

He. Was. Here.  
What were the odds? Minuscule, yet here he was.

How could two brothers be so diametrically different? She never would have guessed the connection. She groaned and hid her face in her palms.

What did he think of her being here? He had displayed a total poker face but not seemed annoyed at all over the surprising house-guest. She hoped he realised it was complete coincidence, if he thought anything else, she would die of pure embarrassment.

What did she look like? She jumped up to stand in front of the mirror and scrutinized herself. In school she usually dressed in a preppy style and kept her hair well-combed and neat. Now looked she quite wild with messy hair and no makeup and wearing beach outfit, but not so bad anyway she must admit. The sun had gifted her tan and freckles, peaceful nights not thinking of him had wiped away the dark circles under her eyes. She needed to tidy herself up though, she could not have dinner with him looking like this.

As the warm water flushed over her, her thoughts kept spinning. Why had he pretended like they did not know each other? She could not figure it out and this uncertainty did not make her any less distressed. With him here, how was she supposed to be the Charlotte the family had come to know over the past weeks? She had almost become like one of the them and if she suddenly turned all shy and introvert, they would know something was wrong. Well, Tom might not notice but Mary would for sure. Not only because she was observant but because she was more like a friend than an employer.

With her hair still dripping from the shower, she wiped away the condense on the mirror to be able to see herself again and put on some light makeup. She scrutinized her own face, the big, expressive brown eyes, the mouth that used to be shaped into a smile or laugh most of the time before she met him but now was more serious. What did he think of her when his eyes sometimes lingered on her? He probably did not think of her at all, she was simply a part of the anonymous mass of students to him.

She could think of one way how to get through this. She would have to put on an act, that was the only solution. She had to act like the version of her she was with everyone but him and she had to do it so well that no one could tell the difference from yesterday when it was all natural. She had no idea how to pull it off, but she simply had to.

She almost went paralyzed in front of the wardrobe because she neither wanted to dress up or down compared to yesterday. In the end she made the choice easy by picking the same pink floral dress she wore then. It was a summer dress, lighter and flirtier than what she ever wore in school, but this was seaside by summer, and she had to dress accordingly.

If he noticed any difference as to her clothes he did not comment. When she returned downstairs, she found him in an armchair with his feet propped up on a footstool, drinking beer directly from a bottle, chatting with Tom and looking more relaxed than she ever had seen him. His usual well-fitting shirts and suit jackets were replaced by a grey t-shirt and navy linen trousers and it felt odd to see him barefoot. Intimate somehow. He fleetingly glanced at her, smiled to acknowledge her presence, but almost immediately averted his gaze without seeming to register her dress at all. In a way it was a relief not to be scrutinized, but also disappointing. She envied him for being so casual when her own insides were in a turmoil.

"Come, sit down with us Charlotte", Tom said.

"Oh, I think I'll go and get something to drink too. I need that after a full day in the sun."

It was just an excuse. What she needed was to be in another room than him. To her surprise he got to his feet.

"I'll get it for you. I was anyway going for a refill. What do you want?"

You.

"I'll have one of those too, please."

She nodded towards his beer bottle. She needed something stronger than soda. Tequila or whisky would have been perfect to soothe her nerves but might seem like a strange choice, so beer was the second-best option. He nodded and left the room, brushing her side as he passed her in the doorway, leaving all her tiny hairs standing on end.

Her teacher, who she accidentally had a crush on, was getting her a beer. She was old enough to drink legally and they were far away from school, but it was still weird. She sat down, closer to Tom than to Sidney's empty chair and took the opportunity to ask a few questions.

"So, your brother? You haven't talked much about any of them. Is he your younger brother?"

"Yes, I'm the old and responsible one."

Tom chuckled heartily like he did not even think so himself. "He isn't that much older than you actually, even if he may seem it sometimes because he is so bloody serious most of the time. He's only twenty-six, but an old soul in a young body."

This was an unusually deep analysis coming from Tom.

"Oh?" she said, hoping he would spill more. She had thought Mr. Parker, Sidney, older, but this meant the age difference between them was only six years. She had found out both his first name and age in one day. Monumental progress, yet leading to nothing, because her feelings for Mr. Parker were for sure a dead-end.

"He is a bit cynical, not easy to get to know for most people but I'm sure it will be different for you."

Her heart drummed loudly.

"Why would it be?"

"Because you are one of us of course! You know that Mary and I have come to think of you as family and I'm sure Sidney will as well."

She very much doubted that, but Tom's kind words warmed her anyway.

"What will I?"

Sidney had returned and handed her a cold beer. Their fingertips touched briefly and hers tingled.

"I'm sure you will come to see Charlotte as family, just like we do. A little sister perhaps."

Dear God, the last thing she wanted was for him to think of her as a sister. His worst student was a way better option. Apparently, he also found this notion preposterous because he almost choked on the gulp of beer he just had taken.

"Er, well, we have just met so I guess we'll have to see about that."

His dark eyes met hers, but she could not read them. If she only could sink through the floor and return when he had gone back to London. How long was he planning on staying anyway? If she was to be honest, part of her desperately wanted him to stay even if it was torture having him here.

Unknowingly, Mary helped her by asking over dinner. Charlotte was pushing the food around on the plate instead of eating with her normal healthy appetite. How was she supposed to eat anything in his presence? She noticed Mary observing her and to prevent awkward questions she forced herself to eat a piece of chicken. Temporarily appeased, Mary turned to Sidney instead.

"So, how long are you planning on staying?"

"If it's not too much trouble I thought a few weeks, at least. I don't have to go back until beginning of September actually, but I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"Nonsense, you're always welcome! This house is after all partly yours and we're all happy to have you. There is absolutely no need to rush your leave as far as I'm concerned."

"You're always so kind. Fine. Then I'll stay until I feel you are fed up with me after all." He smiled cheekily at Mary and Charlotte tried to pretend it did not cause a swarm of butterflies to stir in her stomach.

"We will never get tired of you uncle Sidney", Jenny said and shot him her cutest smile. It was obvious that the kids adored him.

Charlotte could do nothing but helplessly follow the conversation, because naturally she had no say in this. Her brilliant plan to escape him had quickly transformed into spending the entire summer under the same roof as him, unless she chose to leave and that would be letting Mary down. She had no idea how to manage weeks in his close proximity without combusting from repressed emotions. Thankfully she would at least be able to escape during daytime when she took the children to the beach.

"Will you join us and Char to the beach tomorrow? Please?"

She froze at Jenny's question to Sidney. Nononono! Of course, he would say no, there was no way he wanted to spend time with her.

"Of course, I can't wait to go swimming with you."

Now it was Charlotte who nearly sprayed the table cloth with snorted beer but managed to swallow instead.

"Perhaps you want the children to yourself then? I mean, I usually take them but maybe you would rather have some quality time alo..."

"No, by all means come", he interrupted. "I don't want to break up your normal routine. I'll adapt to you, you won't even notice I'm there."

He smiled friendly and she knew there was no way she would ever not notice him even in a room full of people.

Dinner went on. She forced herself to eat even if everything tasted and felt like sand in her mouth, but the family involved her in their chatter as always and she realised she only had to go along with it. She did not have to ask him questions and he did not ask her any, both aware that it might become apparent they had a touch point in the university, which could provoke awkward questions. She still had no idea why he acted like he did not know her, but did not want to expose his strange behavior without first understanding the reason for it.

She did understand one thing though; that the more she saw of him with his family, the more she liked him. She had always found him intimidatingly attractive. Here, among people who knew him and whom he apparently loved, he was more at ease than in the role as university teacher. As she watched him talk, listen and laugh, she could see that he really was younger than she had taken him for. Funnier too. She enjoyed seeing him smiling in his special, slightly restrained manner, as if he even now was apprehensive about showing too much emotion. Yet it was obvious that this was exactly where he wanted to be. She wondered why he had stayed away for long and why he had come now, as Mary had indicated there might be a history there. If he was unhappily in love, she wondered who would be so foolish to let this man pass by. The mere thought of him having feelings for someone else made her insides twist.

This situation was in one way the worst imaginable, but strange enough she enjoyed it more and more by the minute. Even if it in no way meant that she would grow closer to him romantically, she liked to at least get to know him a bit more as individual. Tom had opened a bottle of wine to celebrate and the wine and the ambience gradually made her relax and have fun. It was only during the brief moments when their eyes met across the table that she felt shy again and felt compelled to look away with drumming heart.

The evening went by quicker than she wanted it to and too soon it was time to say good night. She had thought she never would be able to sleep knowing he was nearby, but to her surprise her head barely touched the pillow before she was sound asleep.

Next morning her all nervousness returned, unfortunately. The idea of spending the day alone with him and the children was enough to make her jittery, thinking about showing herself in a bikini was absolutely daunting. She and Mary were preparing lunch sandwiches to bring when he sauntered into the kitchen. Even his style of walking seemed more carefree here in Sanditon and he was actually whistling. She had never imagined him a whistler.

"I don't know when I last saw you this cheerful, Sid." Mary smiled at him and wrapped the sandwiches in paper. "What has brought about this change?"

He made a face like she had caught him doing something naughty and was quick to explain.

"It's summer, I'm on holiday and have a day with my absolute favourite people on Earth ahead of me. I have plenty of reasons to be happy."

Charlotte knew he was talking about Henry and the girls, not her when he spoke of his 'favourite people', but his eyes locked with hers as he said it and she felt her breath catch in her throat.

"Well, I'm for one am happy to hear that, you seemed bit off over the phone the other day."

"Did I? Er, perhaps I was then. I'm fine now. Really."

For some reason a pink tinge appeared on his stubbled cheek.

"Off you go then. Don't forget Henry's swimming ring."

Charlotte thought they were an odd group as they walked to the beach; three children skipping with joy at the prospect of swimming with their favourite uncle, one very average girl carrying a parasol and one absolutely gorgeous man, looking like he was cut from a beach wear commercial except he was heaped with beach bags, swimming ring and other toys because he had insisted on carrying it all. She must admit that he did not seem the last bothered to do so. Mr. Parker kept surprising her in the best way.

Both to her relief and frustration, the children stayed glued to him all day. She was relieved not to have to keep the conversation floating alone, but frustrated because she was desperate to ask him why the charade. The moment when he pulled off his white polo shirt, she was extremely grateful for the children's presence because she did not know where to look when he revealed what must be the fittest upper body she had seen up close. She dared a glance the second when he pulled it over his head and felt her pulse spike from the need to touch him. Fortunately, he could not read her mind and by the time he finished taking it off, she was busy helping Henry removing his sandals. Sidney seemed totally unaware of his own appearance. He casually discarded the garment, grinned at the children saying that last one in the water was a chicken, then ran off towards the water with them in his tracks. She was grateful he was not there when she undressed, but she could not escape joining them in the waves as the children were shouting for her to do so. She quickly dived into the waves to let the water cover her, but for the brief moment his eyes seemed to take in her curves, her entire body felt flushed despite the cold water.

She had never been so self-conscious going swimming before but then again, she had never gone swimming with a man she had a major crush on. Luckily, the children soon made her forget all about it, as they started a water fight teaming up girls against boys, splashing water on each other until they all were soaked and laughing. Just like the night before, being with him this day turned out so much easier than she had ever imagined. He was kind, funny and playful and for the first time she felt she could really be herself with him. They did not have any deep conversations with the children near, but they had fun. She realised she risked being left more heartbroken than before because being together like this made her fall more in love, but strangely this togetherness made her feel like she was healing after the many months of distant pining for him. If this was all of him that she ever would have, she decided to accept it even if grief would follow.

When the happy bunch returned to Trafalgar House late afternoon, they were met by an exhausted Mary. Baby James had not been pleased with the heat and had apparently spent most of the day screaming. He had finally fallen asleep a few minutes ago and Mary was a wreck.

"I'm sorry, but I haven't even started preparing dinner. The kids must be starving", she apologized with a heavy sigh.

"Don't worry", Sidney reassured her, giving her a hug. "Go and have a nap and I'll cook something. Perhaps Charlotte can help me, and it will be ready in no time."

"Yes, of course, just go rest Mary."

She nodded but thought that if someone had told her yesterday morning that she would be cooking together with Mr. Parker tonight, she would never have believed it.

They were not alone in the kitchen, because Tom joined them sitting by the kitchen table drinking a beer, watching as they worked, and it was not the first time Charlotte wondered how come he never helped with anything domestic. Sidney on the other hand seemed to be in his comfort zone and swiftly moved around between the cupboards, chopped onions, threw pasta in water, instructed her how to make the tomato sauce while frying minced meat himself.

"Tonight, you're getting Pasta Bolognese à la uncle Sidney", he told the children.

He took a teaspoon of the meat sauce and held out to Charlotte.

"Here. Have a taste."

"I'm sure it tastes great."

"It does, but I'd still like a second opinion", he joked confidently.

It felt oddly intimate to be fed something by him and once again she was grateful for the presence of other family members when she embarrassed had a taste. If he knew how in love with him she was, he would surely run far away from here instead of having her tasting his food. It was delicious though and he had surprised her yet another time. Chef Sidney was an unexpected discovery. She realised that even if she had spent hours and hours thinking of him, she had not been very good at imagining him outside the class room. She could imagine him kissing, but not cooking. She was clearly lacking imagination.

"It's very tasty", she mumbled. "You obviously know what you're doing."

"I don't know about that, but it was good team work. Thanks, Charlotte."

His words made her ridiculously happy even if she knew he had done most of the cooking.

Dinner was just as nice as the evening before, but they broke the table quicker as Mary wanted to return to bed. Tom started saying something about her needing to put the children to bed first, but Sidney interrupted him.

"I'm sure you can handle that fine on your own Tom. After all, they are your children too."

"But Charlotte could help me…"  
"She could, if she hadn't already promised me to join me for a walk on the beach and I think she may need that after an entire day with the children. Don't you agree Tom?"

Sidney's voice was still friendly but a bit challenging and Charlotte could barely contain a smile. They had not talked about a walk together, but she understood he wanted to push Tom to take more responsibility for his own children.

"I know you will handle it just fine Tom. Should we go?" He turned to her.

She just nodded and got up but did not miss the curious glance Mary threw at Sidney, like it was something really peculiar that he would ask anyone to join him for a walk. Tom confirmed it with a joke.

"What do I hear Sid, are you finally tired of being a loner?"

"I... er, no I just thought it would be nice for Charlotte to get out of the house when her working hours are over. That is all."

"Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm happy to come with you."

Sharing mischievous glances, they left a confused Tom behind.

They strolled the short distance to the beach in silence. When they reached the sand, both removed their shoes as on a given signal and Sidney rolled up his grey linen trousers before they continued down to the waterfront and continued the walk in the damp borderline between beach and sea. There was a calmness here at this hour, which she liked. This was finally her chance to enquire about his strange behaviour.

"Mr. Parker..."

"Sidney, please. I think we're past Mr. Parker after today, aren't we? At least I would like us to be."

"Would you?"

She glanced at him sideways and saw him split up in a lovely smile. They walked a few stepped and then he answered, hesitantly.

"What if I told you I have wanted that for very a long time?"

She frowned her brow, trying to make out what he really was saying.

"What did you want? That I don't call you Mr. Parker?"

"No." He chuckled. "Or well, yes, that's part of it. I wanted to get to know you."

Her newfound peace in his company evaporated rapidly when adrenaline rushed through her veins. Know her? How?

"But why do you pretend like we haven't met before then?"

"I... I'm sorry if I made you confused. I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not that easily offended but I'm kind of wondering?"

"Yes, I understand. I… er, let me explain. I was surprised seeing you here of course, but I was also happy."

"Were you? But you don't like me?"

"Don't I like you?" he said with what seemed like genuine surprise.

"I was sure you didn't."

"Ah, shit, this is even harder than I thought. I guess I have been good at pretending after all… Listen Charlotte, I do like you and I… I guess I didn't want Mary and Tom to think of me as your teacher and you my student."

"Why?" So far, his explaining only achieved making her more confused.

"Because I… I wish we were not."

"Because I'm the worst student you have?"

"No! Sorry, but no, absolutely not. Sure, you are a bit distracted sometimes but no. It is just that I… I wish I knew you in a different way. Not as my student."

Her heart skipped a beat. He continued.

"Before you say anything, I know how completely inappropriate this is and I wouldn't say anything now, not even on holiday if I had not resigned."

"You quit!?"  
"I resigned just before I came here. I applied for a job at King's college a while back. It was offered to me and I accepted."

She was not able to process all this information at once. He had said he would like to know her not as his student, but he also said he was leaving for another university so she would not meet him again.

"I'm sorry we won't have you as our teacher anymore", was the only thing she could come up with.

"I'm not", he said with sudden fire, stopped and turned to her but then seemed to become self-conscious again. "I mean, I have enjoyed teaching you all this year, but I don't want to be your teacher. I'm scared as shit that telling you this will only be awkward but meeting you here, having this chance, I have to tell you."

He took a deep breath.

"I have feelings for you."

"What?"

Her contribution to this conversation seemed to mostly consist of one-worded sentences ending with a question mark, but she could not help it.

"I have feelings for you, in a way a teacher definitely should not feel for one of his students."

She stared at him. He could not saying what it sounded like he was saying, could he?

"You have… have you felt like that for a long time?"

"I think I have since the first day. Christ, I have been terrified that it would shine through, could barely look at you in class. I didn't want you or anyone to understand how I felt, didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or harassed in any way. I didn't want to cause any rumours. I know how the gossip mill works among the students and it isn't pretty. I have been unnecessarily harsh with you sometimes for that reason, because I didn't want anyone to realise… but I thought that was better than the alternative. I'm not surprised if you don't like me very much, because I haven't been very nice to you. I hated it every time, it was not what I wanted and I'm sorry if you ever felt I was treating you unfairly."

He paused briefly but now she was unable to speak altogether.

"I have tried to tell myself it is stupid, not only because it jeopardizes my career, but I don't even know you. Then again, I feel like I do know you quite well from your essays, your philosophical reasoning, your ethics. I scrutinized your essays and exams in a way I did with no other students, spent hours thinking of what things you wrote actually meant and what it said about you. You always seemed quite withdrawn in the classroom, but what you write is so passionate and when I saw you with your friends you were so different. They all seem to like you so much and I envied them because I wanted to know you like that."

He swallowed and clenched his jaw.

"As the year went on, it became harder and harder to pretend, to keep appearances up and I felt quite miserable to be honest. It was really an awakening when we had that talk in the spring, when I obviously could see something was the matter with you and realised you did not even trust me enough to say there was. It was a reality check, reminding me I was nothing to you and that I shouldn't be. It was then I decided I had to get away from you, find another job. When I came here, I was happy because I felt the new job would let me escape from an impossible situation. Meeting you here caught me completely off guard, but after the first shock I thought maybe it was good. Now I have the opportunity to come clean with you, let you know why I acted like I did. I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry if telling you all this has made you uncomfortable. If you want, I can leave tomorrow and you won't have to meet me again, not here, not in school."

He stopped talking, suddenly out of words and she realised she had to say something at this point.

"But I do. I do want to meet you, I don't want you to leave."

"You don't?"

It seemed like a glimmer of hope was lit it his eyes.

"I want you to stay. Very much. Yesterday I wanted you to leave, but now…"

"Now…?"  
"I want you to stay."

"And what changed?"

The question was almost a whisper and he took a step closer to her.

"What you just said. You see, I have had feelings for you too for a very long time. I never thought anything could come from it. Nothing good anyway, what with you being my teacher. I came here this summer because I wanted to get away from everything that reminded me of you. I needed to get some distance to get over you and then suddenly you were here, and I didn't know what to think anymore. Now you have told me and I'm thinking…"  
"Thinking what?"

He watched her intently, with apprehensive anticipation.

"That maybe there is a chance for us? Is there?"

"Do you want it to be?"

"Yes."

"Then I'd would very much like to think there is, even if I hardly can believe it either. That we are here, like this. You and I. That I dared to tell you and you still aren't running away."

"No running here."

She stepped closer and dared to place her palm to his cheek. His eyes widened ever so slightly and turned darker and he put his hand on top of hers.

"So, you're not my teacher anymore?"

"Nope." His lips were smiling, his eyes were smiling.

"And it is not forbidden to kiss a man who isn't my teacher?"

"Not as far as I know, even if I shouldn't recommend kissing every man who isn't your teacher."

"So… is it therefore correct to deduce that it is okay if I kiss you?" She could not believe she had dared to say it.

"I wouldn't score that deductive reasoning high on a philosophy exam because it seems too generalized, but for this specific case the answer is definitely yes."

He let go of her hand to let both hands go around her waist and pull her too him. She let her own arms coil around his neck and touched his locks there, still unable to grasp that this was happening when his lips brushed hers.

"It still feels forbidden", she whispered.

"It does. But it is not, as long as you want it. If you don't, just say stop."

Her answer was to graze his lips with her own again, still holding his gaze.

"Nothing could make me want to stop now when I know you feel the same."

"So, are you in love with me too then?"

"Yes, I'm in love with you Mr. Parker. Since the very first day too, as a matter of fact and I don't even believe in love at first sight."

"Neither do I and yet here we are", he murmured against her lips and then followed the first kiss of many to come.


End file.
